he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
