i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
