I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
