So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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