So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize