Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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