I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
