so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
