when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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