I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
