i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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