She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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