Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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