and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
