i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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