So gin and wine won't be happening again
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
