I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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