I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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