I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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