got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
