If that was your dad, he is hot
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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