this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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