508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
