Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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