You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
