dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
