Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
