There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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