i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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