Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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