pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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