The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
