this just has baby written all over it
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
