please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
