I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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