Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
