Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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