Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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