i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
