Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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