I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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