The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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