i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
