a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
