Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize