The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
