the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize
