I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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