i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
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