I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
