I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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