so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
