I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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