Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You had me at "let me see your balls"
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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