Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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