we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Can you bring me the toilet please
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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