just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
