Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
