woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
