Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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