i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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