I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
