Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize