i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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