They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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